Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
