We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
