I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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