The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
