if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize