I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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