DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
