Porn is love you can see.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
