seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
