And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
