Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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