I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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