I bet he comes in French.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
