He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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