just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
