this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
