plz talk dirty to me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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