bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
