One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
