Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
