I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence