party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
