Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
