...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I booty called her while she was in labor.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
