it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The uberlube is also flammable
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
