I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
