i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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