Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
