He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
