Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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