dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
