his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
