Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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