By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
