And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
