Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
