Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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