2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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