I faked an abortion last night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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