Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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