New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
