Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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