My room smells like vodka and shame
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
