At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
