he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
