the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
