wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
