whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
