I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I said "one day" and that day is not today
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
