I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sober January is a disaster.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Im part way to drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
