I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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