just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
