oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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