so let's talk penis.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
