Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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