You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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