Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
