i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
