you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
