he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
