I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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