WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
