My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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