Me too!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
