Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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