Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
