...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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