I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
