There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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