i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
